Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
