mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm always down for nudity.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
