just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
