So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
