yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
