After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bring me that man meat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
