i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
