you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
