69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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