No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
