Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
