now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
