White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
