dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
