We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize