so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
