I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
