Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
