I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
