Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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