One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
