im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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