i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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