I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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