Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
