3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
