I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
