They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
