What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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