people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
