paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
