i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
