i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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