I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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