In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
