We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
