so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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