its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
