things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
