I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
