Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
