If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
