After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
