I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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