im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
