my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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