I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
