apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
