so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
