You're my little dorito
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize