I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
