At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
