SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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