I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
