he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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