You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
