I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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