Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
