So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
