just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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