I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
