I think I am morally bankrupt
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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