so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
