im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
where am i from again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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