a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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