And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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