sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize