do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
