I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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